Archive for the ‘hearts and minds’ Tag

August 15, 2015   1 comment

I realize that there was a time when I wrote on this blog very often and then stopped.  I would come back and promise to write, but never really picked it back up.  I wanted to, but I never had the motivation.  I’ve started several other blogs under several other email address, different identities that tap into other sides of my personality, but I just can’t seem to get the ball rolling.  My brain is faulty I guess, I don’t know.  But i loved this blog at one time and I miss the sense of it being my “home base” so I want to write this out so if I am not able to come back again any time soon there is at least some sense as to why.

So much as happened to me in the last few years.  In 2004 my father died.  In 2007 my partner of 8 years died.  In 2012 my mother died.  All of those things are probably written about in here.  But they all also changed me and left me wanting for more.  Then my absolute faith in God was challenged and I have spent the last 4 years or so basically living my life as an atheist.  If you knew me, you would know just how intense and bizarre that was for me.  Then, last week, I just sat down on the edge of the tub of my bathroom and started talking to him again.  Him being God.  For the first time in four years.  We just talked.  And it was amazing.  It was like nothing I have ever felt before.

But you don’t have to worry about me becoming some kind of religious nut.  The relationship I have with God is really different than most people in that it’s a strong committed relationship, but it’s also very relaxed and open.  There are no rules really.  I don’t have to do this or that to make him happy.  We’re friends and he loves me just like I love him.  We just talk.  And share our stories.  And from time to time, I take  his advice.

But I do want to tell the story of my life.  And that’s going to take a certain turn.  It’s going to include my mental illness which means you’re going to hear about the fact that I have been hearing voices nearly all of my life.  And one of those voices has been Gods.  I can’t be sure if that’s real or not.  You’ll have to decide for yourself.  Just let me tell you my story and you listen and figure out what you want.

Anyway, I’m going to sum this up now with a clear “Thank you”.  I have enjoyed writing on this blog for the batch of you who read this.  And when I get around to it, it will mean a lot to me knowing I can count on your all to be intelligent, kind readers.

Take care for now,

Jen

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First Call to the Tribe   Leave a comment

What would be the soundtrack to your revolution? Who would you choose as your disciples? Or would it be a matter of who would choose to follow you? It may not be clear to you at first, but soon, you will see that each person that carries your message, whether willingly and with praise or begrudgingly or with an effort to distort and dissuade will be a song in your book of songs. And it is the melody that they conquer and leave within the hearts and minds of those touched that will, more so than any of your words or actions, stand the test of time and move you forward as a force of will.

Ground work has been laid down now, stretching out over nearly 40 years. There are relations, revelations and seconds on which all the world was hinged upon, the swing and sway and eventual fallout. Seeds were planted and the soil didn’t even know itself to be soil. Time soon to bloom, the time is coming.

Listening now to the music that painted and shaped so many moments in the past 30 years or so, remembering that each note, each lyric is really a cornerstone on which I place the foundation of these dreams and prophesies. So many markers, doorways for someone to take a step through, to stumble upon in a time of doubt, weakness or fear, these songs are the verses of my bible, the words of my God and the testament to which I send my flood, fire and love deep into the valleys and roaring over the vast plains, to cover the mountains and darken the sky. These are the desperate calls of the people. These are the willing sacrifices. And they will remain long after each soul has taken flight, found its place in some foreign heaven and then be returned to me.

No, it will not be easy. Not because it is difficult, but because people will never understand what comes without struggle. How easy would peace be? How easy would love, forgiveness and joy be if people focused on the true nature of life itself? But no, instead they need to plow a field to find a single grain of wheat, visit an entire shore to find comfort on the sands of the beach. People, these beautiful, miraculous creatures, fall to their knees only once their backs have been broken, their eyes peeled open and their skulls invaded.

And in the music they shall find some comfort, some explanation that does not fail them. It will not be the answer, but it will calm their souls and revive their spirits just enough to continue on until the light provides.

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