Rattle in the Night   Leave a comment

“When they find me dead they will be shocked”, she said.  She said this because she needed to have something to say, to see her breath catch the icy air around her.  She said this because she wanted to not be alone and all this time she knew that it was only her words that kept her, only her words that loved her.  She said this and it was only for her own benefit.  But then, she wrote them down so that at some other time, so that later on, someone else would read it and it would matter.  Eventually, everything would matter.  Only by then, it would be too late for her.

She spent the last several months writing down lyrics that summed her up; lyrics that she had been forging in her soul for the last 30 years; carving them into her veins to feel her blood slide over them and bubble up as it filled them.  The words that others sang and dedicated and kept close to their hearts; these words that meant so much to so many, but would be her rattle in the night.  These lyrics were all that she would ever come to be able to share with the world because it was so odd for her to be heard, even though they all said she had a way with words.  It seemed no one was ever really listening because if they were they would’ve never left her alone.

Unless….

Unless it was decided in some backroom that she should be left alone so that she does this thing, this last ditch, singsong, endgame, big-bang, final curtain splashdown.  Has it simply gotten to the point where she has been heard and no one can stand hearing her scream for help anymore?

Will you eagerly tell her that it will get better, only to push her aside and let her go find some remedy on her own knowing full well she’s just told you that she needs someone to keep her from drowning?

When you find me dead, search my name.  There is a world of writing to keep you company.  You won’t find a reason to miss me.  I will live on forever in words.

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