2013 (brought to you by: Amanda Palmer – Another Year)   Leave a comment

This ongoing question about life and when it starts and how it ends and why it happens…it leads me to strange places. I feel that life is when you make those intimate connections that can only be fostered when you and another person come together and make something of it; a memory or plan of action. And in that joining of forces you exist. So if you haven’t gotten to that phase yet, no amount of promise or risk or hope has turned you into anything but just that. You aren’t you yet. You’re you in waiting.

I have a lot going on in my head lately. I don’t know why I haven’t turned those thoughts into writing, but I haven’t. I just haven’t.

But I’m existing. I’m thriving, actually. I’m bolder and better then I’ve been in many years. I miss my mother and in that longing for that pure love and connection I have found so many beautiful glimpses of what this life has actually afforded me.

If anyone cares about me or worries about me but doesn’t have the means to say so, just know that with or without you I was messed up. And now, with or without you, I am getting to know things about myself and about life and love and possibility that I never seemed to have a chance to know before. I am becoming a better me.

I’m not much for the concept of New Year’s Resolutions. Part of that is the whole “why wait til then” frustration and an even bigger part is the “I’ll never change and at least there is some small victory in admitting it”.

But this year is a bit brighter than the rest have been. And so, I have made myself some goals and some promises.

I am going to be the best me I know how to be starting right now. And I am going to examine, research, jump out on a limb and DARE to be even better and even more ME with each breath and step.

As always, I love you.

I never lie about that. I never stop, change or grow out of it. And no matter what you do, I am always the girl you knew.

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