TRUST   Leave a comment

The word branded is the word TRUST. It is carved and then, on top of that it is literally branded on the inside of my lower back. Not where you can see, but from the inside. I do not know who put these letters there, nor do I understand how. But they are there. I feel them with each movement, every twist and all pulls and pushes.


I have a friend who tells me that the better educated someone is the less they believe in the traditional concepts of religion. He is not someone I argue with anymore. He let’s me live in his house for free and as my own form of payment, I allow him to preach to me without much rebuttal. Besides, he is better won over with actions not words, because he is a man of words and not actions. And people such as this, learn from what they do not understand and merely teach all that they think that they do.

My partner asked me last night something about Jesus. Something about how my faith would stand up if I found out he was just some crazy guy roaming the cities and towns of his native land spouting out either delusions or lies. I told her it didn’t matter. I was even rather offended for a moment that she didn’t fully understand. But soon I remembered that she is of the same world as my mother.

My mother, Catholic and kind and forgiving and, above all else, tied to the stories of her bible and her mother and the priests who have scattered themselves about her 76 years of informal education, is dependent on a set standard. With all of her faith, if just one “truth” was proven to her to be inaccurate her whole world of trust would be shattered. If you take away the virgin birth, if you take away Jesus’ never “knowing” a woman, if you take away any of it, she would turn into a frantic cloud of dust right before your very eyes.

My girlfriend is from the same world, she merely travels on another ship. She is pagan, she believes in everything except Jesus. His existence, even in theory, has really pissed her off because of how she was force fed the intolerant, low-budget form of Christianity that many “born again” folks seem so confident in. She loves too much, feels too much, craves too much for that simple and often ignorant dedication. But what she’s done instead is become, the whole of her person, a reaction.

No one can trust in the spirit of God when they have been told, time and time again, that the spirit of God needs to be won or saddled or sacrificed for. If that is what you believe, it is not God you are feeling. It is religion, it may be verses from your book of choosing, and it may be the combined life experiences of all the elders of your tribe before you. But it is not God.

When it is God, you know enough to know that knowledge is not power, its responsibility and not entirely necessary. You do not need to consult anyone or anything because the right answers are relative to whether it is your time to fail or succeed. Your mistakes are your lessons. Your bold revelations are your opportunity to shout out something that either alleviates something toxic or too powerful from inside of you or perhaps, jumping from one soul to another, maybe your grand idea was only given to you to move someone else’s mountain. You may never know for sure. And you never need to know. Just trust.

Have faith in nothing, simply trust that your place in the universe is your place in the universe. And once you conquer your fears, anxieties and delusions about what that stands for, what that amounts to, what that leaves you with, you realize that being, simply being, is all that was promised, all that was offered, all that was delivered and all that’s really happening. You are. Just be. And when no tactic suffices, when no call to heaven seems heard or properly tended to, when the line to be seen by a professional is so long you feel as though you might never get up to the window, there is only one thing you need to concern yourself with for it to all be alright.




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